Last week I brought the car into the shop because it was having trouble shifting gears. Joe did a diagnostic check and two test drives...nada.

Thursday I headed to the South Bay for the day, where we lived before we moved here 3 years ago. Lunch with my Aunt, where I got all the family gossip, lol, then what was Supposed to be a short visit with a friend, but she was stressing and it turned into more like 5 hours...thus I got to Donna's house pretty late. The car had been doing ok, just a little slow shifting (it's an automatic). We had a nice visit and a late dinner out. On my way home, sometime after 11pm...the car decided not to work any more. I sat there on the side of the freeway, trying different things to get it going again...nope! So, Hubby headed out to get me, but it would be a while. Eventually a cop came and gave me a push...with his bumper! Got me to the next exit, where I went flying down and around the off ramp...Weeee! Coasted a couple of blocks and into the back of a parking lot, under a light all on that push. When he pulled up where I parked I gave him a big grin and told him that that was Awesome!

It's a few days later and Joe called with the verdict...it's the transmission. Fuck! I was afraid of that, but hoping for something else...something much less expensive. Merry Christmas kids, it's a new transmission!

Tomorrow Hubby has surgery. He has a cyst in his jaw...not cancerous, just very persistent. It's already been removed twice...keeps coming back. Though This time it came back in a more dangerous area, so the specialist called in a specialist and...I'll be taking him to San Francisco for the surgery tomorrow (today...Tuesday). Donna is kindly coming up here and letting us use her car, as our 'reliable' one konked out. Tonight I told him he could have Anything he wanted for dinner, as he won't be able to eat solid foods for a while. Soo many things to choose from. Did he choose a nice steak or some complicated dish? No...he said he wanted me to make french toast, lol. And for dessert he choose...pussy, as he won't be able to eat That for a while either.

It just occurred to me that stress is probably what's subconsciously had me unable to fall asleep until about 4am lately. Wish I could flick a switch and be able to turn off the worries, instead of tossing and turning.

Poor Youngest, I snapped at him earlier today for pretty much nothing. He was being silly and noisy when I was on the phone. You know, when kids get in that hyper goofy mode and just Can't calm down (I used to get that way a lot as a kid, lol). I later apologized and gave him a big hug n kiss. Told him that if I snap at him over something silly over the next few days, to please not take it personally, that it's not him, I'm just trying to work through some stuff. He was very sweet and understanding.

He doesn't ask me to cuddle him to sleep any more. Hasn't in months. Though almost nightly he'll ask me to run my hands through his hair or tickle/scratch/rub his back. Tonight was no exception. Head on my lap, body stretched out on the sofa, like putty in mere seconds. After he went to bed, I got to thinkin' and I went in to his room and cuddled up to him. My hand was on his chest and he'd put his hands over mine, then peacefully dozed off. I felt his heart beating under my hand. Steady and strong...and I dozed off too.

When I woke up and came into the family room, Hubby had just turned 2 1/2 Men on. Eldest broke away from that new video game that came out last week and all the kids are obsessed with (can't remember the name right now) and watched with us. On the commercials we'd all chat and laugh. I laughed pretty hard a couple of times and realized that I'd needed it.

There will always be stressful times to work through, some bigger, some milder. I realize that in the big picture, the car is a mild thing and we'll find a way to make those repairs happen. I'm sure that the surgery will go well, Hubby will recover nicely...and I won't crash Donna's car driving the crazy streets of San Francisco.

In the big picture what matters is that cuddle time with Youngest and the shared time and laughter with Eldest and Hubby. That's the good stuff...the important stuff.

Good lord, I sure am long winded lately...sorry about that!

I envy you at times, being on the road with my Job makes it difficult at times to enjoy all those moments with the family. I sure do enjoy the ones I get to share. Two of the best presents I got for my birthday was while i was on the road. One came from a dear friend and the other from my sweet daughter. They were voicemails of people singing happy birthday to me. Realizing how much you mean to your friend is a chance to feel love,even in a motel room. Then to hear a sweetness beyond measure ,from a 9 year old little girl, Is a beauty that has no equal, at least inside the heart of this simple man. HH i am sure ur son loves the feel of ur hands but I am also quite sure that it is the love and comfort he receives that is why he allows you to have such a tender moment with him. Good luck to your hubby, things will be ok. It is very sweet of ur friend to loan u her car. A prayer for ur family that all will be guided in ur life through love and compassion. U have been blessed with much love. That quite frankly....Is awesome...so there, take that!

Hh , delete your second post , as your 1'st post was awesome . As to your 1'st post , awesome .

HH, I think your family love is such a beautiful thing.
I know hubby will be fine. My other half had oral surgery last week.
The amazing thing is the low pain tolerance men have, LOL!
Maybe it is a good time to make some home made chicken soup.
It really has healing qualities, and if made right, is very delicious!

Bless you and the family!

no wonder you havent been sleeping, ms. helping hand! stress can be hard on a person, and it certainly sounds like you have had enough of it lately

i hope the car thing works out and gets you back on your independent road again soon. im sure a busy lady like you really learns to depend on private transportation. its funny to think back. what did people do before cars? how did they survive, lol. but dont stress over it, it will all work out. i realize its at an inconvenient time, but things like this seem to have a way of working themselves out

i will say a special prayer for 'hubby'. sometimes i have feelings about stuff, i never know where or when, but as i read your post i got one of the feelings, and i feel that your hubby will be just fine. and my 'feelings' are never wrong. so theres one less thing for u to stress over

your family sounds absolutely wonderful. your loving hubby, your great kids, and even your amazing friends. i miss my family so much. you are a very blessed lady with so many great things and people in your life. will you adopt me?

you said you moved north three years ago. i remember when you made that move. my goodness, have we all been here three years?

and youre right, the things we stress over are very minor in the big picture. the important things are the love of a happy family, and the daily smiles that that love spreads

how about a dark chocolate peanut butter kit kat?

I've gotta run but at least I'm smiling now. Give Hubby my best and I'll talk to you soon. I probably have a transmission for you

Take a deep breath and relax, everything will work out fine. As you pointed out, there are alot more important things in the world to worry about. I'm sure that things went fine today with hubby and he will be back in action in know time.

Your family relationship sounds alot like the way we are in my house. My 18 year old son still gives us a kiss good bye every time he leaves the house, even when his buddies are standing there! I also know that this closeness can cause stress when one of the pack is hurting or in trouble. A couple of years ago I had to undergo a bunch of tests including a bone marrow biopsy. I think at the time my wife was more stressed than I was about the unknown possibilities. Hang in there. Things always seem to have a way of working out with a little time and a little faith.

And be careful driving in the southbay at night!!

"That's good stuff", Helping Hand!!
You said it well. Let us know how it goes with your hubby.

Simple, thank you for the kind words (and the call to check on how he was doing ) Gotta admit that I smiled at 'a chance to feel love,even in a motel room'...sounds, naughty! I have a very sweet image in my head of your daughter singing to you. Between the singing and the photo album, it sounds like a pretty good birthday!

Sol, I was a little confused by your comment, though I'm gathering that you liked this post? Not sure about the second post that you were talking about, or if you meant my first comment. If you were asking me to delete the sex post I wrote, because you like this type of stuff better...I'm sorry, but Both posts are who I Am. I'm not ashamed of either. I can respect if the sex post wasn't your thing, but I won't delete it. And, realistically, I'll be posting more of 'em...I'm kind of a sexual being, am comfortable with it and have no problem talking about it. Though I won't be offended at all if you opt to click 'hide it' on them.

Thanks, CC. I'm taking it that your man's surgery went well? Yea, I've gotta admit, Hubby expressed being in a Lot of pain yesterday. Was VERY grumpy, said he was going to our room cause he wasn't good company, but then said he wanted me in there with him, lol. We all like to be comforted when we're not feeling well. I'd definitely thought of making chicken noodle soup. Have made it many times. It's actually pretty easy...but pudding is the closest thing to solid food that he'll get today. perhaps some soup tomorrow.

Thank you very much for the compassion, MM. Sometimes I feel like such a pussy getting stressed over my little things when I know there are people out there with Much bigger problems, but it doesn't change the knots in the tummy in trying to come up with $3200, plus tax, a week before Youngest turns 13 and is expecting the same thing his brother got when he turned 13 and it's Expensive, not to mention about a month before Christmas...not that we'd have $3200 even if those things weren't coming up, lol. But we're all healthy and love and support each other and we'll figure Something out. Ooh, I've never tried that kind of KitKat...I'd love to try some, thanks!!

I'm glad it brought on a smile, hd. I know you love hearing about the kids.

Thank you Midas, I actually Did take a deep breath when I read to. I agree that it's Very stressful when a loved one is struggling. I assume all of your tests came out fine in the end?? I think it's awesome that your son will still kiss you, even in front of his friends. I'd say you've done a pretty good and loving job.

Thanks Roofie!

Lindy, I got your well wishes in the other post and they were very appreciated. So funny that you mentioned the view from there (he Was at UCSF)...as we pulled into the parking lot, Hubby told me that I was gonna Love the view...and you're both right...it's spectacular!!! I was tempted to take a pic with my phone, but knew it wouldn't do it justice. Kinda like when you take a pic of a spectacular full moon, lol.

It went well. He'll have a tube in there for about a year, hopefully breaking down the cyst and removing it permanently. A frustrating thing is that his meds started wearing off by the time I pulled up to the door to get him (he'd been fine when I was in the room a few minutes earlier) and he was in a lot of discomfort that turned to pain on the drive home. They gave us a prescription to fill, but we had to drive through S.F. traffic n stuff to get home. I imagine that Most people do, and I told Hubby that he might wanna recommend, when he goes back next week, that they send patients off with something to tide them over for at Least an hour after they leave. He's got his motrin and vicodin now thought and is peacefully sleeping next to me.

I passed on the well wishes and he was touched...thank you!!

Hugs!!

that suck,s girl good luke

HH, I think kngsolomen was refering to your "Good lord, I sure am long winded lately...sorry about that!" post... (at least thats how I took it.)

Youre NOT long winded, we enjoy your stories.

Good luck to your hubby HH.
I will lose my only brother one day soon.
He is in a hospital unable to walk,and hardly eat, and at 6' is only 112 pounds.
He has given up and does nothing but lay in the bed all the time.

Thank you anons!

Anon 2 I appreciate the clarification and the kind words

I'm so sorry, anon 3. My thoughts are with you and your brother. (((((Hugs)))))

Hope all is good for you & your family..