When will the pain stop. I wake everyday and goto bed everynight thinking about my family. The pain of not having a wife anymore keeps growing not getting better as everyone says it should. I have to see everyday what has become of her and her new life, not that I want to but I want to see my kids and I have to goto her house to pick them up. My family is not complete without her and my step daughter and because of that I have such a hard time going on. I seem to only think about how much better things are for her now and how lucky her new husband is to have my family now. I can't wait until my life on this earth is over. Not having anything to live for is the same as being dead anyway. I would try to find a girlfriend but how fair would that be , I still love my ex and could never anyone that is as great as she is, besides it still wouldn't a family. When did marriages become a throw away item? Why doesn't anyone try anymore? I woke one day to find my whole life had been given to someone else. He hadn't worked for any of it she just gave it to him. Why? As I sit here thinking about this week I have to fight back the tears knowing I will be alone with no hope of even a phone call from the only woman I ever loved. They say noone has died from a broken heart but everyday I pray that it will be the last on this earth.
In fact, I don't know what to believe or not to believe.
But I am gonna assume that this story/confession is authentic.
To start, Gawd, I love those Southern Chicks. They seem to have their head on straight. I married one and will be celebrating our 55th anniversary the last of next month, August. Something must be working out for us.
But I do know many with the same problem you speak of. All I can tell them is, hang in there. Was it love at first sight with you and your ex? I doubt it, although lots speak of it and attempt to convience me that it does exist. There is a difference between LOVE and infatuation.
Take a look at yourself before you start placing the blame. What about the way you dress. I know that the younger generation dress differently but don't change unless you already have. Ladies your age like the way men their age dress, and detest the way the younger dress. Attend functions where your age group is at. I don't mean bars. Sporting events, even Church Functions. Mix. You will eventually forget the past and start a new.
I may not be making sense to you but try it. Read what others say also. We all hope the best for you. There is a purpose for everyone and everyone for a purpose. Did I say that right?
Move forward with purpose even when the direction is unclear, there is a higher purpose to everything.
Think about that;-)
Your life is an expression of your mind. You are a creator of your own Universe, for as a human being you are "free to will" whatever state of being you desire through the use of your thoughts and words.
There is great Power there.
It can be a blessing or a curse.
It's entirely up to you, for the quality of your life is brought about by the quality of your thinking. Think about that.
Thoughts produce actions. See the pettiness and the envy and the greed and the fear and all the other
attitudes that cause you pain and discomfort. Realize that the one thing you have absolute control over is your attitude.
See the effect that it has on those around you, for each life is linked to all Life and your words carry with them chain reactions like a stone that has been thrown into a pond. If your thinking is in order, your words will flow directly from the heart, creating ripples of love.
If you truly want to change your world, my friends, you must change your thinking. Reason is your greatest tool. It creates an atmosphere of understanding which leads to caring which is Love.
Choose your words with care. Go forth ... with Love.
As for your former marriage, I understand that you're in pain. Forever is supposed to mean forever. And we all have our dreams of the perfect life. However, they RARELY turn out that way. It's just not the way life works. Family has a whole different meaning these days. It's not neccessarily husband, wife, 2.3 kids and Sparky the dog living in a house surrounded by a white picket fence. There are divorces, step kids and frequently friends that become family. You've been divorced for over a year now. Your mourning period needs to end for this marriage. Stop dwelling on what you lost in the past and what you can NOT change and start focusing on what you DO have and what you CAN change.
First thing that needs to change is your attitude. If all you do is sit around and feel sorry for yourself, how the fuck do you expect to move on?!?!
Get off of your ass, get out there and live life! You are the only one responsible for your happiness...not your ex.
See a counselor or join a group for divorced people to help you learn how to move on emotionally.
If you have a problem with going to your ex's house to get the kids, then arrange to meet somewhere, or get them after school.
What I want you to do RIGHT NOW is make a list of things you've always wanted to do...silly little things, to great big dreams. DO NOT put anything on there about marriage, etc. Think back to your childhood dreams...make that list. Then pick one item on the list. Perhaps a small thing to start. And do it! Not someday, but NOW. If you need to go to work (about the only excuse) then plan for it. Date and time. And do it. Just that little step, a sense of accomplishment, can make a difference. Then go onto the next thing and the next.
You need to find yourself before you even THINK about getting into a relationship. Learn to love and appreciate yourself as your imperfect, wonderful self. Step by step...you can do it!
I also suggest a daily to do list, to give you a sense of purpose and guidance. And schedule special outings with the kids. Form those great memories that you can treasure forever!
I'm gonna say this once more, because it's important:
You are the only one responsible for your happiness!!!
Now, get out there and try new things, meet new people...live life!
POOF!
;-)
period of time, when a friend gave this exact advice i movecon, started playing basketball and playing geeky computer games. ive never been happier and i know lots more girls that like guys that play sports and play geeky games. forget the past. live now!!!
cheeztring@hotmail.co.uk
Smitten,
Your Admirer From Afar